how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
