I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
