she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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