we're chasing vodka with high fives
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
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Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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