There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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