did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
