Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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