I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
