I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Small penises have feelings too.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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