Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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