Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
