So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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