Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
