when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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