im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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