ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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