New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
