Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
