this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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