its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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