my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
