Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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