So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
