we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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