Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the day after is always just damage control
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
