yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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