I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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