i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize