Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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