mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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