They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so let's talk penis.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
