I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize