ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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