HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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