I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
