i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
