I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
