Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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