I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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