you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
