I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
