hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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