please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
