I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize