my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
