in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
so much tequila, so little girl.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
