I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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