Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
