WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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