So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
