So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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