What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
