Who did Billy Mays play for?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
