im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
