i was born a porn star she said
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
ttyl tear gas
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
