So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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