So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
