I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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