At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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