Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
