best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
