Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
