so explain again why im purple
no
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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