mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
