My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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