My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
