K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had to cum in my sink.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
